Firewhiskey and Firelight | Open

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan was currently sat in the East Wing, cross-legged in front of the fireplace, a bottle of Firewhiskey at hand. Getting hold of alcohol was surprisingly easy around the Hufflepuff Common Room, thanks to a certain Sixth Year boy. He was a weird one, but he also didn't seem phased by Ryan's identity at all. If he made any jokes they were just to wind him up in a fun way, and always said with a grin on his face, and usually a shoulder nudge. Ryan was thankful of that, because without him he didn't know how he'd get along of alcohol around this place. 

On this particular Friday evening, Ryan was feeling like absolute crap, which was a pretty ordinary feeling for him. It was one of those days where his dysphoria was trying to destroy him, and nothing seemed able to make him feel better. Hence, the alcohol. Ryan took another long swig, letting the harsh liquid burn his throat, but it was a good kind of burn. He needed to be numb. He needed to not feel anything, just for a couple of hours. 

Placing his bottle to one side, Ryan pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up, taking in a long drag before releasing it slowly. He hated cigarettes. But when he was feeling like this he always turned to them, clung to them like a life source. Sighing, Ryan plucked at the sleeve of his jacket, wishing the alcohol would just hurry up and kick in, though he knew it never worked quite that well, no matter how much he wanted it to. This day was hell. 

Outfit: [x]
Words: 275

[Deleted]

Walking around alone was something Archie did on a regular basis. Being alone was better than being around people. Though he liked having friends, it was hard to make friends somewhere when he still didn't completely understand what was going on. He was still learning things about the magical world. It was all so new and he was kind of hating it. Earlier, Archie had been studying up in classes he was bad at, but he got really annoyed and frustrated and couldn't handle the struggle much longer.

Wandering around now, Archibald meandered here and there. He didn't really know where he was going, but he sure wasn't thinking about it. His mind wandered back home where his parents had to go on with their lives, not knowing what was happening with him. His friends, probably still mad at him even though he had told them he had no choice. His real life had ended when he had gotten that letter and left for Hogwarts.

So lost in thought, Archie didn't realize he was close to someone until he smelled the smoke off a cigarette. Getting a confused expression on his face, Archie followed the smell to find a fellow Hufflepuff. He was one year older than Archie, but Archie had seen him around the common room occasionally. Approaching him somewhat silently and staying a distance away, Archie came up next to him, near the fireplace but not too close.

"What... is that?" He asked, his voice soft and honestly confused. He was talking about the drink, but he was silently wanting to know what Ryan was doing. But he didn't want to come off as rude. Who knew what Ryan could do to him he made him mad enough.

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan stared into the flames, trying not to think, but of course, that just made him think more. He kept thinking of home; how his dad still wouldn't acknowledge him or allow him to visit, even while Ayden and Adina got to go there all the time; how his step-dad was just as much a stereotypical control freak and his real dad was, and how he'd ranted on at Ryan about the way he was dressed for pretty much the entire summer. The prick had come home with the most disgustingly girly dress he could find, wanting Ryan to wear it. Like hell! It ended up in the fireplace... which had just angered Garrett more. And then there was Ryan's mum... the only one who seemed to accept him for what he was, though only to a point. Where would he be without her support? It didn't bare thinking about, really. 

Ryan ended up so absorbed in his thoughts that he wasn't paying any attention to what was going on around him, or any noises that would give away that another person was there. He was just starting into the flames, cigarette burning away, hardly touched. It actually took a few seconds before Ryan realized that the voice he'd heard, that didn't seem to flow with his trail of thought, wasn't actually coming form inside his head, but rather from another person. 

Realizing that, he looked toward to source of the voice, blinking a few times, trying to get his head back in reality again. "What?" What had the boy who was standing there said? Ryan had heard it, but he hadn't actually heard it... Which was annoying, actually, because the younger badger was clearly talking to him and Ryan could only sit there and wonder what had been said. "Sorry, I was lost in thought then." That at least sounded a little nicer than just 'what' did, right?

[Deleted]

At least getting lost in thought wasn't only Archie's problem. Archie just didn't have as much to think about as Ryan seemed to. He had a pretty average home life with two parents who loved him and cared for him. No siblings, only one aunt he had never met with two cousins he didn't even know the names of. The only thing he had to mope about was the lack of friends he was going back to. And that wasn't nearly as bad as what Ryan was thinking about. But it wasn't like Archie knew that Ryan had issues. He just thought that Ryan was an older year than never spoke to him. Most of the older years didn't talk to him. Most people in general didn't talk to him. But that was how Archie liked it. Sort of.

But coming to this floor and running into a smoking, drinking, older year was not at all what Archie expected to happen. He stood, looking concerned at Ryan for a little while before the guy replied. The cigarette he was holding seemed to have turned invisible and looked kind of like it hadn't even been used but just lit for the sake of being lit. What Ryan said kind of took Archie aback. What? What did he mean what? But when he clarified that, Archie nodded in understanding. He didn't hold it again Ryan to not have heard or noticed him. That was normal.

"Sorry, I was just asking what that was." He said, nodding in the direction of the bottle, still confused as to what it was and still confused as to why Ryan was smoking. He knew about that one kid in Hufflepuff, three years his senior that almost always had a drink on him. That guy wasn't too secretive about that stuff. Honestly, Archie had never seen the desire in drinking or smoking, so he was kind of appalled to find someone only a year older than him doing both.

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan wasn't all that used to other students approaching him to talk, or rather, not ones who weren't there to ask something stupid. There's be a few times when young students thought it was okay to ask him whether he was a boy or a girl, and then even when Ryan had answered them go on to tell him that he was wrong and he couldn't be, either because of his voice, or because they knew he was still stuck in the girl's dorms. Which, really, made it stupid of them to bother asking him anything at all. They either knew the answer, or wouldn't accept the answer he gave. It was so tempting to send a little curse their way to shut them up and make them leave him alone. 

This particular boy... well, Ryan was sure he recognized him as a really quiet third year from around the common room. From what he could remember, the third year had never even looked his direction before, let alone tried to talk to him, or ask stupid questions like some other kids did. He had no reason to assume that he was here now to ask those questions which was why he at least attempted to be nice, even if he wasn't about to let down his defenses around him. Now that Ryan was focused on reality again and not lost in thought, his attention came back to the half burnt-out cigarette he still held. He flicked the ash away and took a drag on it while the third year re-said what Ryan hadn't heard him say before. 

"What, this?" He picked up the bottle beside him, which he assumed was what the other boy had been nodding towards. It was only really that or the cigarette, right? And he had to know what a cigarette was. "Firewhiskey. Got it from a sixth year." Hogwarts' one of and only reliable source of alcohol. Ryan never knew what he was going to get when he went to the sixth year, but it was always alcohol and that was really all that mattered. One of these days he was going to have to ask the older boy to show him how to sneak out of the school and down to Hogsmeade, because that seemed to be where he was getting it all from. He looked back to the third year again. "Bad habit, I know." But it did the trick... or so he could pretend. 

[Deleted]

Honestly, Archie wasn't used to approaching other students either. But he was curious as a cat and that could get the best of him sometimes. Most of the time he got curious in the middle of class. He would scribble down his question and then hit the library as soon as he could so to get it answered. He normally didn't raise his hand in class, leaving it to the other, smarter and more willing students. Answering questions and asking them always risked people thinking he was stupid or annoying. And he didn't want to give anyone a reason to tease him. But sometimes he just had to ask. Like now, though he wasn't completely sure he wanted to know.

It was always interesting to learn that someone recognized you. Not that Archie was learning that just now, but if he knew that Ryan might recognize him then he would be a little surprised. He hid as well as he could, which sometimes wasn't very well. But he tried his best to not be noticed in case someone would approach him just to mess with him. It was no fun being messed with, and since he had no friends to help endure it with him, he would have no clue how to deal with it. He didn't even have one friend, so avoiding people was his best bet. But he was starting to wonder if approaching Ryan had also been a stupid move.

Archie nodded as Ryan picked up the bottle and asked if that was what he was talking about. Archie had seen a cigarette before, though he didn't actually know anyone who smoked them. When Ryan told him what it was, Archie nodded. "Oh." After learning what it was, he wasn't completely sure if he wanted to be around Ryan at all. It wasn't anything against the guy, he just felt a little weird being around someone who was smoking and drinking. He had heard second hand smoking was almost as bad as actual smoking, so being in his presence might be harming his lungs.

Archie's face turned toward the flame, turning back when Ryan commented about the cigarette being a bad habit. "I wasn't going to say that." After saying that he felt a little. It wasn't like Ryan said that he knew what Archie was going to say. Sure, he was thinking that thought. Very bad habit. But he wouldn't say anything aloud unless he knew for a fact he wouldn't get a negative reaction. Standing for a little while longer Archie looked back into the fire, then back at Ryan. "Sorry if I interrupted. I'll just be going." He muttered, turning to leave. That had been really awkward and was definitely not happening again. Unless Ryan called him back, Archie wouldn't turn around.

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan knew that a number of older students drank or smoked, but he didn't know any his own age that did. It should have been a good hint that he shouldn't be doing it either, but things were complicated for him. For most people, life was easy, and seeing their bodies change as they grew up was a good feeling... not for him. The changes made him hate himself even more because they were just... wrong. He couldn't just be let it be, he had to actively do things to hide his body and make it look a way that it wasn't naturally supposed to look. His binder was his life right now, but it wasn't the easiest of things to breathe in, and the material rubbed awkwardly under his arms. 

The third year was looking uncertain all of a sudden, and honestly, Ryan didn't blame him. If you saw someone drinking you never knew how to react around them - some people did not make for nice drunks. Ryan was no where near the point of drunk yet as much as he might want to be, because that was about the only time alcohol had the numbing effect he needed. 

The third year didn't need to say it, but Ryan was already sure he was thinking it. He thought it himself. Ryan was in a love/hate relationship with smoking, because it made things easier on crap days like this one, but Ryan liked running too much. Smoking wasn't going to help him run, that was for sure. Ryan took another swig from the bottle before glancing over to the third year who seemed ready to make a retreat. "You don't have to go, you're not bothering me." He glanced at the bottle and cigarette. They were probably bothering him, though... "Here, look." He stoppered the bottle and threw the remains of the cigarette into the fireplace. "No smokes, no drink, yeah? I could use a little conversation. I don't want to think about stuff - this day's been shit." That was part of the reason he was there, but it just seemed to make him think more being alone. He didn't care what the topic of conversation was, but anything was better than allowing himself to stew in his thoughts. 

[Deleted]

Even drinking and smoking was something Archie wouldn't do when he was older. At least, not in school older. He wasn't sure if he would ever do it. It didn't sound pleasant, either of them. Even in hard times, whether they were hard to cope with or he could push through, Archie had no idea how drinking or smoking was supposed to help. Sure, his body was changing. No, it wasn't fun. It meant that his voice was going to crack if he spoke too loud or said something too high. He still had a girlish scream, though he didn't scream often enough to truly know that. But he didn't understand what Ryan was going through. There was no one to go to about that kind of stuff and it was sort of understandable why he would go to something material rather than a person for help.

But even if Archie knew, he still didn't understand. And honestly, he was still certain Ryan's choice was not the right one. He had never been around a drunk, the only people he spoke to who were old enough for that were his parents and the most they drank was a little wine on date night. All the other people he knew were his age and pretty much goody-goodies. So yeah, he was getting uncomfortable knowing that this kid, only a year older than him, was drinking and smoking. Both things which were bad for ones body.

Archie turned when Ryan said he wasn't bothering him. Really? That was a first. He watched as the cigarette entered the flame and the bottle was closed. Curiously he looked toward Ryan who was currently saying he wanted conversation. Conversation? Hah! But Archie turned back and sat down. Next to Ryan, but not close. He still wasn't sure what to think about this guy.

"I don't know if I'm the right person for a conversation." He muttered. Archie knew he was quiet and he didn't like talking to people. Okay, he loved talking to people. He loved the presence of another person because being alone was torture. Being alone was proof no one liked him. Sure, it was partly his fault for making it seem like he wanted to be alone, but there were always those persistent, outgoing people who approached anybody and everybody. Being alone made him feel empty, like a black hole had replaced his heart. It was not easier to cope with things alone. But he was the worst at conversation, so Ryan was going to have to help out here.

[Ryan Olsen]

Truthfully, Ryan figured that the third year would still want to leave, even if he had got rid of the cigarette and alcohol. And who could blame him? Ryan wasn't very good company at the best of times, and now probably even less so than usual. But, despite that, the younger boy came back and sat down near him. 

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and started picking at the sleeve of his jacket. "It doesn't matter. Any conversation is better than silence, right?" Sometimes he liked the silence of being alone, but then there were days like this when the silence just made his mind race and think of all the things he'd been trying to forget, so anything was better than nothing. "We can talk about anything... talk about classes, rant about homework, or anything. I just need to get out of my head for a while." His thoughts were going to be the death of him, he was sure of it. If he mind could just stay silent life would be so, so much easier to cope with.

[Deleted]

In all honesty, Archie did want to leave. It was a little weird standing near a person who smoked and drank while in school. Was it against the rules? Very likely that was a yes. But it seemed there was a rule breaker in his midst. Archie hated breaking rules. Why people broke rules was lost on him. Getting into trouble was his least favorite thing. It meant he got noticed. Arch hated getting noticed, to being obedient was going to be normal for him. He wondered if seeing someone smoke and drink and not reporting it was rule breaking. Maybe he was a little bit of a rebel.

At Ryan's comment, Archie shrugged. "I guess so." He muttered, looking down at his feet and then up into the fire. But he still didn't know what to say. Making conversation was not a strong suit of his. He was lost for words within seconds. And the fact that Ryan wanted a conversation was making it harder to think of one. Ranting about homework was not something Archie did and he hardly lingered on classes unless it was to study. He understood getting out of your head. It could be a horrible place. But he was still lost for words. "Um...yeah, sorry. Still not sure what to say." He said with a shrug and a quick look back to his feet. He felt bad.

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan pulled his knees up in front of him, crossed his arms on top, and leaned his chin on his arms. He stared into the fire for a while, letting the silence settle for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. He didn't know what to say either, or a topic to talk about. The two of them were really only a year apart, but it didn't really help any. They might as well have been a first and a seventh year from two different houses, and Ryan still wouldn't have known how to start this conversation. 

"What did you do over summer?" Was there a more mundane topic out there? Asking about someone's summer in September was the same as starting a conversation by asking about the weather. The ultimate phatic talk. But, sometimes the mundane was as good a place to start as any, and it could lead to something better... possibly. 

[Deleted]

Silence was almost always awkward. The one they were currently sitting in was especially awkward since Ryan had asked to talk to Archie. But Archie was not a conversation starter. He was just an awkward background character that no one paid any attention to. Approaching Ryan was probably one of the dumbest things he had done, but he had done it, and now they sat, both staring into the fire, neither one saying a word. Awkward didn't even begin to describe it for Archie.

Ryan's question caught him a little off guard. He hadn't expected any questions or anything and had been lost in thought thinking of something to say. And Ryan's question didn't raise any conversation starters either. "Nothing, really." Archie was probably the most boring summertime person ever. "I just sat around at home, mostly." His family didn't go on vacations or anything, really. "What about you?" Archie asked, hoping that maybe something Ryan said would be far more interesting than him.

[Ryan Olsen]

The silence wasn't really bothering Ryan all that much. There was a little bit of awkwardness about it, but Ryan was pretty accustomed to that these days. Awkward seemed to be the way of things around him, since no one really knew how to react around him, never sure what to make or what pronouns to use, and all of those kinds of things that were simple with most people, but not Ryan. 

He nodded in response to Archie's answer but didn't look away from the fire, watching the flames flickers and spark hypnotically. He shrugged when the question came back to him. "Not so much. I got back into running." Something he'd not done as much of during third year due to the hell most people called puberty, but he had a proper binder now and felt a lot more comfortable with running again now. It didn't make for a particularly interesting story though, and no one would really care about how getting a binder meant to him. He searched for something else to say. "It was another perfectly ordinary summer of avoiding all 'father' figures." Wow, he said that with a little more malice than intended... 

[Deleted]

Being quiet was normal for Archie, since he pretty much avoided people and being loud would earn him a few looks or even someone approaching him. So he stayed silent. But sometimes silent wasn't fun. Like when someone was talking to you and it went quiet. That was the awkward kind and Arch wasn't used to the awkward kind of silent.

Ryan's response got a nod out of Archie. Not much more. Running wasn't much of Archie's thing. Physical activity in general wasn't much of Archie's thing. He liked to sit and do nothing all day, but he managed to stay fairly skinny. What Ryan said next was what caught Arch's attention. Avoid father figures? And why had he said it like that? "What do you mean?" Maybe he was pushing. It was likely he was, but Ryan had been the one to say it out loud. Archie was bound to ask about it.

[Ryan Olsen]

Ryan kept his gaze on the fire, silent for a few moments after Archie asked him what he meant. He needed to find an easy way of wording things, he just wasn't sure what that easy way was. "Well... my dad won't even look at me. My siblings go there over the holidays to get away from our prick of a stepdad, but I can't." And Garrett was just as bad, if not worse, than his dad was. God, Ryan would do anything to not have to put up with Garrett over the summer, but even if he could go to his dad's, he didn't think it would be any better than being around Garrett. It felt like absolutely ages since he'd last seen his dad. In fact, they were so estranged now that Ryan didn't know why he even bothered to still call him 'dad' anymore. He should just call him Admon; the same distance and separation from acknowledging relation that he had with Garrett. "It's complicated."